Charlie Bird Facts

Cartoon by Annie West.

Great craic on Twitter the other night. There was a spontaneous eruption of Charlie Bird Facts after @naoisen suggested it. #Birdfacts topped the trendlist for Ireland for a couple of hours, and there were a few curious tweets coming in from around the world wondering what the hell it was all about.

I’ve listed most of the good ones below.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird can detect Denis O’Brien even in an earthquake zone.

AllanCavanagh Remember ‘Nam? THAT’S BECAUSE YOU WEREN’T THERE MAN. Except Charlie Bird. He was there.

AllanCavanagh God was all for getting rid of the Angelus until Charlie Bird told him he quite liked it actually.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird can see Ann’s underwear, back in the studio.

SeanMoncrieff Like Ryanair, Charlie Bird has been in hotels quite close to some of the major stories of the past decade.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird knows a scene of utter destruction from mere rubble.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird has known how Lost’s going to end from the first episode.

tnteacherTim Charlie Bird taught McGyver everything he knows.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird has learnt off Google Earth by heart.

susankilkenny Charlie Bird has a bionic ear…but it’s broken at the moment. He’s deaf in the other ear.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird was Hunter S. Thompson’s inspiration.

susankilkenny Charlie Bird wrote a State of the Union for Obama…but he lost the address.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird is fighting swine flu with his fists, one cell at a time

nyderoleary Charlie Bird once did some charlie. Off a bird.

sheehanpaul: Bruce Schneier looks to Charlie Bird when he forgets his password.

susankilkenny Charlie Bird doesn’t sleep. He rests one eye at a time, always on the lookout for the next HUGE story (and rampaging marchers..)

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird doesn’t find the news. He looks, and news happens.

tnteacherTim Charlie Bird is to star as Mr Miyagi in the next sequel of “The Karate Kid”.

AllanCavanagh Christlike Charlie Bird has been known to get crown of thorns stigmata, when bashed in the head with bricks

ElaineEdwards Charlie Bird was flying Captain Sully Sullenberger’s plane when it made an unscheduled touchdown on the Hudson.

susankilkenny Charlie Bird once challenged Brian Blessed to a shouting match. Mr Blessed conceeded after 2 rounds

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird once met a one-legged cancerous orphan who was on fire. He shouted GET A CAMERA ON THAT FUCKER.

Mojo_Marty Chuck Norris will star as Charlie Bird in the new “Bird on da Wire movie”

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird’s cameraman once ran out of tape. Charlie Bird used his skin to draw the rest of the report.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird is such a professional he once did two takes.

alkennedy Charlie Bird INVENTED SUBTLY!!!

susankilkenny If in a crowded area Charlie Bird will not walk around people, he will walk over them

susankilkenny Charlie Bird can smell fear. From ten miles away.

deebdublin Charlie Bird, tough on Charlie Bird, tough on the causes of Charlie Bird

dublinbikes Charlie Bird was recently banned as a muezzin in Switzerland, after a contentious referendum.

tnteacherTim Charles Bronson was Charlie Bird’s understudy on the set of “Death Wish”; Charlie Bird called away by RTE to cover rare snails.

Mojo_Marty Charlie Bird and Chuk Norris were seperated at birth!

AllanCavanagh There is a deleted scene in The Matrix where Neo says I know Charlie Bird. It was deemed too scary for most audiences

tnteacherTim Mmmimim… Charlie Bird…. strong in him, the Force is!

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird can see the Great Wall of China from Ireland.

susankilkenny Charlie Bird taped the recently released Bin Laden threat. Fact.

mcj66 Charlie Bird isn’t really a bird, he’s a gliding reptile and precursor of Archeopteryx

alkennedy Seven out of ten cats prefer Charlie Bird

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird makes tea by commanding entire fields to dry out in India.

AllanCavanagh Reporting from an Asian sweatshop once, Charlie Bird picked up a nifty pair of sneakers.

dublinbikes Charlie Bird has filed a patent for the use of wheelbarrows as portable surface-to-surface missiles.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird foresaw 9/11 but thought it would make a great story. He was right.

orlaithf When Charlie Bird did the series ‘Who Do you Think you Are’ he convinced the producers he was present at the battle of the Nile

alkennedy When Charlie bird slipped on ice, the ice said “oh shit!”

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird can spell oligarchy.

ByGina Charlie Bird is on route to San Francisco, to commit murder and get locked up, for his new documentary – The Birdman in Alactraz

nyderoleary Charlie Bird grinds his own coffee, from special beans made of Truth.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird’s expression is so inscrutable because he’s feeling every emotion at once, really feeling them.

alkennedy Charlie Bird knows the fourth secret of Fatima.

deebdublin Donegal earthquakes caused a tsunami. Charlie held back the wave with one hand

tnteacherTim “Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound”,Charlie Bird!

cooperatron Charlie Bird caused and will solve the financial crisis. He did it cause he can.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird’s iPad can open 2 apps at a time. It doesn’t need a camera.

dublinbikes Charlie Bird is the new face of Trill (http://peticious.com/blog/archives/8) and has an RTE Guide at the bottom of the cage.

@alkennedy: Charlie Bird wrote the book of kells

susankilkenny Charlie Bird can win a game of Connect 4. In 3 moves. (ok, that’s a Chuck Norris one!)

alkennedy Charlie Bird blamed the sunshine,the moonlight and the goodtimes. He was right.

lo2345 Charlie Bird knows where Bin Laden is but wants to give someone else a chance

Mojo_Marty Charlie Bird is now dating Angelina Jolie! She knows he’s hard!

20euro C. Bird has cultivated a source in the CIA for just this kind of personal attack. They’re looking up your ip as we speak. Run.

ByGina Charlie Bird poses naked at the Annual Bird Fanciers Convention

anspailpin Charlie Bird takes Paul O’Connell’s lunch money. Every day.

alkennedy Charlie Bird invented the #iPad but gave it to Steve Jobs because he knew it was rubbish

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird can speak in braille.

susankilkenny Charlie Bird put the figs into the fig rolls.

anspailpin Charlie Bird fought the Battle of Aughrim. Won.

Azrael1 When Charlie Bird reports on Dublin street riots, Charlie Bird becomes the riot.

tnteacherTim Charlie Bird conceived the Rubix-Cube, but gave the patent away as it was too “Square” for him.

anspailpin Charlie Bird is the one and only Billy Shears!

Mojo_Marty Charlie Bird can eat a whole packet of cream crackers without chewing!

nyderoleary In 1976, Charlie Bird refereed the Ultimate Fighting contest between Mr Brennan and Pat the Baker.

anspailpin Charlie Bird speaks Irish fluently, but speaks the strangers’ tongue out of pity.

alkennedy U2 remember seeing Charlie Bird perform at the Dandelion Market

tnteacherTim Charlie Bird was the advisor who told a young Obama to use the internet for fund-raising.

anspailpin Bono really wanted to call the song “Sunday, Birdy Sunday,” but Charlie doesn’t seek fame or adulation.

peterhick Charlie Bird has turned down the role of the new Doctor Who!

anonnunemus Charlie Bird Didn’t see Jesus walk on water but he reported accurately on it from egypt.

ronanlyons Family Guy’s Peter Griffin made “Charlie Bird is the Word” famous!

mcj66 Viewing his reports underwater makes him Charlie Blurred

anonnunemus Charlie Bird had a trrid affair with Sophia Lawren.

ConorLambert Charlie Bird learned how to whisper in a hellicopter.

peterhick Charlie Bird shites ice cubes! Cool or wha?

anonnunemus no matter how hungry they are in Haiti Charlie Bird is hungrier, colder and more depressed.

leotraynor Rumour has it that not only has Charlie been in Washington as a correspondent, he’s been in a Washington correspondent

anonnunemus Charlie Bird once compered the glamorous Calor cosengas housewife of the year competition.

tnteacherTim Charlie Bird ofeered me the choice of a blue or a red capsule

anonnunemus – missing Charlie Bird? There’s an ap for that.

_pandalicious_ Charlie Bird was meant to star as Horatio in CSI but he didn’t get the part coz he’s TOO cool!!

anonnunemus Charlie bird told Brian Cowen to blame the nurses for the credit crunch so the banks could keep spending.

anonnunemus Charlie Bird went looking for Dan Rooney without bothering to google what he looked like, then congratulated him on Wayne’s goals

ConorLambert Charlie Bird is kept on standby in case of RTE radio transmission blackouts.

anonnunemus Charlie Bird is the reason Brad and Angie are splitting up.

Mojo_Marty Charlie bird to star in the new Terminator movie!

anonnunemus Charlie Bird knows where Osama’s cave is.

susankilkenny Charlie Bird to make the next Cillit Bang commercial

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird only wears a flak jacket to spare the other non-bulletproof reporter’s blushes

anonnunemus Charlie Bird’s sweat is bottled as Bruit.

AllanCavanagh Stuck in the desert Charlie Bird once made a radio out of two wires by taking one away

anonnunemus Charlie Bird and George Clooney are never seen in the same room together. draw your own conclusions.

anonnunemus Charlie Bird found Shergar

anonnunemus Charlie Bird has repaired the whole in ozone layer.

Azrael1 The greatest trick Charlie Bird ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that… he is gone.

mcj66 as a result of his painstaking top secret scientific research, physics knows him as Charlie Nird

anonnunemus Guantanemo bay prisoners asked for Barney songs back after Charlie Bird interrogated them.

anonnunemus Charlie Bird has no shadow and smellls of testosterone.

gavinharkness Charlie Bird is a Tic-Tac-Toe Grandmaster

ByGina Charlie Bird invented Twitter (hence the name)

anonnunemus You cannot look directly into Charlie Bird’s eyes without wearing protective goggles.

anonnunemus Charlie Bird once stole a hiace full of dutch gold from a Limerick halting sight in daylight.

kestrelid he is not the messiah, he is Charlie Bird

susankilkenny Charlie Bird once called Kate Adie a cissie. That’s the real reason she retired

mcj66 Charlie Bird invented Tantric Sex, the Macareña and the Uzi submachine gun all on the same day, March 8th 1972

deebdublin Charlie Bird was the hunting methods coach for The Hunt for the red October

marklittlenews Charlie Bird is @marklittlenews

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird files reports by pointing his finger at telephone lines and thinking.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird once asked Stephen King IT’s what?

maeveos Charlie Bird tells us which stories are most newsworthy by means of a very sophisticated method: increasing the decibel level

Azrael1 When Charlie Bird hears someone being called a birdbrain….Charlie smiles to himself

susankilkenny Charlie Bird CAN believe it’s not butter

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird goes up to 11. Then 12.

susankilkenny Charlie Bird was William Hurt’s body double in Broadcast News

lecraic Charlie Bird was what Willis was talkin’ ’bout

AllanCavanagh The Virgin Mary once reported on Charlie Bird appearing in a tree stump.

hesedoni Charlie Bird built Rome in a day.

ronanq Charlie Bird has a voice that could make a wolverine purr

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird pities BA Baracus.

anniewestdotcom http://twitpic.com/10809a

Sergei Charlie Bird has never cried. He is saving his tears for the end of the Universe.

AllanCavanagh When they found water on Mars Charlie Bird arrived at NASA with his trunks and snorkel.

susankilkenny It’s an open secret in RTE that @marklittlenews wears Charlie Bird pyjamas

orlaithf Charlie Bird inspired the lyrics to the song ‘Charlie on the M.T.A’

anniewestdotcom http://twitpic.com/1080px

AllanCavanagh Once a year the Pope collects up all the confessions and tells Charlie Bird.

Azrael1 Charlie Bird hates the Internet because Charlie don’t surf.

Jaoibh If bird CAN do it it can’t be done !

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird is so smart he can work out Sudoko using the Crosaire crossword clues.

orlaithf Charlie Bird was offered an honorary doctorate in rocket science from TCD but he insisted on sitting the exams first

ConorLambert In his youth Charlie Bird was fired as a baby sitter after performing a lullabye.

kerryview Charlie Bird met with JD Salinger for an interview this afternoon – New Hampshire local time

anniewestdotcom “A bird’s heart beats 400 times per minute while resting and up to 1000 beats per minute while SHOUTING.”

ByGina When Charlie Bird does those up-close camera reports, he is actually feeding Haitian children with his feet

susankilkenny Charlie Bird doesn’t sleep. He waits.

colmtobin Charlie Bird doesn’t sleep, he reports dreams

colmtobin There are two words in Charlie Bird’s head at all times. One is “news”. The other is “news”

AllanCavanagh When Charlie got mixed up reporting on the Middle East, RTE ran Charlie Bird’s Best Wank as top story. Because he is the news.

kerryview Charlie’s alphabet as a kid A C B D E F

john_mcguirk There is, in fact, an “I” in Charlie Bird. But there is no “team”. Not even close.

mcj66 yes “Bird’s custard” which contrary to popular misconception isn’t secreted, it is made manifest by his thought alone

colmtobin A Bird in the States is worth 2 in the Coombe

AllanCavanagh As a child Charlie Bird invented the Charlie Bird radio. Rather than take his name in vain it was shortened to CB.

john_mcguirk When you ask what Charlie what time it is, he says “5 seconds until”. When you say “till what?” He says “IT’S UTTER CHAOS HERE”.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird’s people will send you one of his glances in an envelope if you write to him.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird’s favourite aftershave is Eau D’Earthquake.

colmtobin Charlie Bird invented the world’s most accurate “reporter stubble to earthquake” gauge

ByGina Charlie Bird can *actually* fly

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird’s party trick is Birdsong. He can impersonate any bird species in farts. WIth matches he finishes with The Phoenix.

colmtobin Charlie Bird doesn’t sleep, he trends

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird can smell when you’re going to die. If you’re from TV3 he’ll tell you.

ChasTaylor Charlie Bird was bought up by wolves but they let him loose because he couldn’t be tamed

john_mcguirk Charlie once found out that the humble Wren was King of the Birds, according to legend. Charlie Bird now kills wrens for fun.

john_mcguirk The Stig thought he could keep his identity a secret till he met Charlie Bird.

ByGina Charlie Bird only uses one eye for seeing. He uses the other for overseeing the manufacture of breaded frozen fish products

john_mcguirk You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time. you can never fool Charlie Bird.

orlaithf When princess Diana spoke of a ‘third person’ in her marriage she was talking about Charlie Bird

john_mcguirk When Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer have sleep overs, they argue over who has the cooler Charlie Bird Pajamas.

colmtobin Charlie Bird grips the nation, even if the context is silly, deeply ironic and way, way after bedtime

tnteacherTim Charlie Bird does not breathe; he respirates. Charlie Bird does not sweat; he perspires. Charlie Bird does not drink; he imbibes.

john_mcguirk Haiti did not pray to God after the earthquake. God prayed for Charlie Bird.

colmtobin Charlie Bird doesn’t just report News. He shits News.

john_mcguirk Charlie Bird’s right testicle is bigger than his left one. And his left one is bigger than his right one.

j0hnqu1nn Charlie Bird dosnt interview people. He stares at them till they give him the answers he wants.

colmtobin Knock Knock. Who’s there? Charlie. Charlie who? Charlie, um, Charlie Bird… Have you any news or anything?

orlaithf The worst hurricane ever to hit Ireland was Hurricane Charlie in 1986, called after Charlie Bird because of the havoc it wreaked

tnteacherTim Unique among men, Charlie Bird can multi-task by both eliciting and expressing several *feelings* simultaneously.

john_mcguirk Charlie Bird is so strong, he can touch his chin with his elbow…… He’s also so smart, he knew you’d try it after reading that

AllanCavanagh Luke Byrne is too much of a disaster for even Charlie Bird

leotraynor When Jesus Christ has an orgasm he shouts “Charlie Bird!”

john_mcguirk Charlie Bird could get Helen Keller to talk on camera.

AllanCavanagh When Charlie Bird was cut during Love Ulster, onions cried.

claireoconnell When Charlie Bird and Barack Obama walk into a room together, people stop and stare, saying ‘who’s that guy with Charlie’

colmtobin Charlie Bird doesn’t just report disasters. He predicts and then causes them

mcj66 What would Charlie Bird do If he was here right now? He’d make a plan And he’d follow through, That’s what Charlie Bird’d do.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird once had the most amazing sex but spoiled it by jumping out of bed & interviewing the survivors.

colmtobin In 500 year’s time the people of Haiti won’t be talking about the earthquake of 2010. They’ll be talking about Charlie Bird.

john_mcguirk Charlie Bird did not wait for Godot. He hunted him down with an RTE camera crew and asked him where the fuck he’d been.

colmtobin Charlie Bird doesn’t just visit chocolate factories, he pushes the boundaries, goofs about with Grandad and inherits the place!

john_mcguirk Jeremy Paxman has only 1 weakness as an interviewer. Charlie doesn’t care what it is. He laughs at Paxman for having a weakness.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird doesn’t sleep. He roosts.

AllanCavanagh Charlie Bird thinks Peter and Paul are pussies.

tnteacherTim “Arise and Follow Charlie” was a song about Charlie Bird – he just let Haughey pretend.

john_mcguirk Charlie Bord destroyed the periodic table of elements because the only element Charlie Bird needs is the element of suprise.

iamDarragh Bono recently revealed Charlie Bird to be a major influence citing the “beautiful construction” of his reports as “an education”

tnteacherTim Charlie Bird gave Bruce Lee the “Evil Eye” and Bruce ran away, whimpering.

tnteacherTim Correction: Charlie Bird destroyed the periodic table because ther *is* only one element: Charlie bird!

colmtobin Charlie Bird is the Aertel to Mark Little’s Twitter

tnteacherTim If Charlie Bird ever goes to the Earth’s Core, he will burn it up.

iamDarragh “That’s one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind. This is Charlie Bird for 6.1 News, the Moon.”

colmtobin Each of the sperm that spawned Charlie Bird had a sperm microphone at the ready

tnteacherTim Charlie Bird is the *real* chairman of the Bilderburg Group.

claireoconnell When Charlie Bird tweets, Twitter implodes

tnteacherTim When Charlie Bird orgasms, God calls out his name.

iamDarragh Charlie Bird’s Custard: The smoothest flavour on the market.

colmtobin Charlie Bird doesn’t Google. Google googles Charlie Bird.

iamDarragh BirdStone Tires: Passion for Excellence – Complete control no matter what happens around you.

tnteacherTim Charlie Bird invented the Wheel; but it was too simple, so he went on to better things.

susankilkenny When on Desert Island discs, Charlie Bird nominated the complete works of Charlie Bird as his book of choice

DavidFFox When Charlie visited The Vatican people asked who’s the old bloke in the White dress on the balcony with Charlie Bird?

OscarBearGrylls Charlie Bird has never lost to God in an arm wrestling match

BrianMLloyd Charlie Bird divided by zero.

BrianMLloyd Charlie Bird can time-travel and change the course of history. However, that wouldn’t be ethical. He’d be making up the news.

BrianMLloyd Charlie Bird’s glare has been known to cut glass.

BrianMLloyd Charlie Bird can speak Klingon, Huttese, Parsel-tongue, French and many other fictional languages. Fluently.

susankilkenny Charlie Bird ate Bryan Dobson’s liver. With some fava beans and a nice Chianti